


The Speckled Figure

by chrissy2



Category: My Friend Dahmer, R5 (Band)
Genre: Filming, Nightmares, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 14:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11404371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrissy2/pseuds/chrissy2
Summary: Ross really was a sweet kid, and Derf prayed to God that dramatizing Dahmer would not change him. He looked so much like him that in another life, Dahmer would have been the same: Friendly and sweet and fun.He wondered if the dreams would ever stop. It wasn't like PTSD. You have to experience a trauma to have that. So what was it?





	The Speckled Figure

**Author's Note:**

> 'My Friend Dahmer' does not belong to me and this is entirely fictional. No profit, just entertainment.

**I**

_Is this really just art - or am I exploiting a young man's innocence?_

Derf had to keep reminding himself that Ross was a twenty-something; not a child, a legal adult. But damn it, that was a lot younger than himself. That was still a child to him - a tad bit of innocence and a need to please that any stone-cold corporation, any sicko in this sick world would love to take advantage of.

"Hey, Ross?" he asked one day in his dressing room. "You sure you're feeling alright?"

Ross turned to look at him with eyes that made him think of a sleepy boy, and that smile perked right up: "Yeah, Derf. I'm great. Why do you ask?"

_Is this the real Ross - or a Ross in character within a character?_

"I'm just wondering. You've been, uh, kind of quiet. If you need to, we can take a break from all this."

"A break from what?"

"Well, you know - _this._ This whole - _character._ This _dark role."_ Derf unknowingly found himself reaching for Ross' _Dahmer glasses_ and sliding them off.

"No, it's alright." That smile again. He let the older man take off the glasses. He knew the sight of them really effected him sometimes, but he still scoffed bashfully, like an annoyed little boy after his mother fixes his hair or thumbs off a smudge on his cheek. (As a guy who grew up with glasses himself, he was familiar.) "I think about a lot of things. There are times when I become a bit of a socialite and then I become more of a thinker. All in all, this whole experience has been rather fascinating."

"Still," Derf insisted. He really did not intent to baby him. "A little break wouldn't hurt. I'm sure it wouldn't mess with the film's flow a single bit. How about we all head out into town, huh?"

"I mean, sure, if the director thinks it's alright."

After  _his_ arrest, Derf had a warped view of youth. Sometimes it was difficult to read a youngster. Ross seemed so light and so positive and so truthful, he hoped to God he was like that to the core and that it was strong.

 

**II**

Strangely enough, the process of filming kept _them_ away for a long while.

It might have been because filming was quite a strenuous and tedious process. Like, damn. Derf had heard that the art of film was stressful, but this was way more than he thought.

 

**III**

Derf couldn't remember when he had the first dream. He was always young in them; back to his teenage self. It started with him walking through the woods, as he usually did, or riding his bike down his old road, or walking down the halls of his old school.

The real countryside: There's nothing to do, hardly.

(Tumblr is beyond accurate: The locals are racist, everyone's on drugs and there's nothing to do.)

If he was walking along some thin animal trail in the woods, whistling and whacking random things with a stick - there would be a _crunch_ along the trail, or a questionable shadow.

If he was biking, that tall, blonde and speckled figure would be biking quietly behind. He was always far out behind Derf, but he always knew it was him.

 

**IV**

"So we were thinking about making this change," Alex starts. "With you. Your character."

Derf raises an eyebrow. "And what's that?"

They are some alright changes: Making Young Derf a little bit more compassionate than he actually was. A bit more sympathetic to Ross' Young Dahmer. In reality, in despite of him being a tad bit sympathetic, he remained weary, avoiding Dahmer. Some viewers would probably see this as fact, but whatever. It's refreshing. It's a nice change.

"Also," Alex adds. "There's another thing."

Derf's eyes squint even harder, putting Alex into a corner with them.

 

**V**

_There's that crunch along the trail, or that light-haired figure on his bike in the distance, speckled and awkward - and Derf can tell when the pursuing begins. Even when he has dreamt of it so many times he can actually tell when the tall figure will start running, and a part of him knows he can just wake up and it will all be over, the panic is very real. His breaths are so short, he can barely yell a threat or tell the speckled figure to go away._

_A part of him is also afraid an empty threat will only provoke him even further._

**_No!_ **

**_Stay back!_ **

**_Don't touch me!_ **

_Derf runs and runs. Somehow their bikes have disappeared, and it becomes more and more difficult to run. He runs and runs, but it's like the tall figure becomes taller, growing longer limbs, his arms stretching closer and closer -_

 

**VI**

" - Derf?"

The author is snapped back to reality, a couple of bright eyes over a bright smile melting all his fears away.

The smile grows even bigger. "You alright? You've been in a daze."

"Oh, yeah," Derf assures, rubbing his eyes. "All you kids. I'm not used to the flow of film like you are."

 

**VII**

Okay, yeah. Wow. That's quite a change.

 

**VIII**

Derf watches Ross and Alex goof around like twenty-somethings should be as he follows them back to the trailers. _Hashtags_ and _snapchat_ and _twitter_ and all that. Ross seems to be getting better. He's happy to see that he's slowly going back to his fun-loving self. Derf expected the other youngsters to tag along, but it's just them somehow.

 

**IX**

**_I am a pervert. I am an exhibitionist. I am a masturbator. And a killer, like you._ **

 

**X**

Alex disappears from sight, and it is just Ross and him. But right now, Ross seems different, and so does the night sky. It looks starless and cloudless. That sinking feeling comes back, that guilt, and Derf wonders if he should check up on the kid

_then Ross grins a grin that is far too wide and sinister for him:_

**_"Got you."_ **

 

**XI**

Derf wakes up in cold sweat, pinned down by the darkness of his hotel room. He sits straight up, throwing the covers off of him like they were attacking him, and turns on as many lights as he can. He takes a shower and then messages his wife the rest of the night.

 

**XII**

"So why did you decide to make this change?" Derf asks.

"Well," Alex starts. "A film can never be _exactly_ like the book. That's no fun. And also, it's an interesting thing to think about. Keeps it from just being, you know - a boring coming-of-age story. No offense."

_By interesting, you mean terrifying._

"Sure, I get that, but..."

"But what? Is there something wrong?"

_You're asking me if it's okay for me to almost get killed by him._

"Sorry," Derf laughs nervously. "It's just a little - unnerving - putting my young self in such a position."

Alex laughs as well, "Yeah, man. We didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. This is just me: I personally think it's a nice twist. Hear me out..."

 

**XIII**

You know, Derf didn't even have to do all that much. He didn't have to wake up at the crack of dawn to meet up for shooting. He didn't have to be present 24/7. He didn't have to stress himself out with the film - but he felt like he had to.

He feels he has a responsibility.

 

**XIV**

**_"Wow, man."_ ** _The Speckled Figure is close to him now. He's sitting in his bedroom with him now. He's not chasing him or attacking him. Yet. **"I know you need to make money, but I didn't think you'd drag a kid into this. Cute kid too."**_

_**"You shut the fuck up,"** Derf snaps. He reaches over to turn on his desk lamp and tries to focus on his sketches. **"Fucking sicko."**_

_**"He's not actually a kid, you know. He's an adult. I think you keep forgetting that."** There's the unmistakable sound of a slurping of a beer. **"So, you know, his ass is free."** _

_**"I won't let you take over his life."** _

_**"Well, if you hadn't have published that book in the first place, he would still be one of them same ol' la di da Disney stars. He would've be damned either way. No Disney child star has ever turned out that great."** _

_**"Fuck off and go to Heaven. You prayed to God, right? That automatically means you raping and murdering people is A-Okay. Fucking bullshit."** _

 

**XV**

He didn't mean to cause a scene. He didn't plan on running off the set like that. It was no one's fault.

 

**XVI**

_**"But he really does look young, doesn't he?"** Dream Dahmer smirks before another slurp. **"Especially to us horny old pigs. I bet he looks so adorable when he's asleep. He can't say no. I bet he's so tight..."**_

 

**XVII**

" - Derf!"

His vision burns before it straightens out: He's outside with them. They were filming a scene. He fell asleep at one of the stands.

"You okay, man?" A hand touches his shoulder. It's Ross. And he's wearing those goddamned glasses.

 

**XVIII**

_**"I'm inside all of you. We all have it."** _


End file.
